Stone Cold Locks of the Week (1-2)

Editor’s Note: In the following post, lance makes a LOCK OF THE YEAR and then says if it fails, the creators of this site will reimburse your losses…well, uh, fuck that. Motherfucker went 1-2 last week, there is not a chance that we are guaranteeing anything in this post to be anything close to a correct pick. Again, if you pick with Lance, you do so at your own potential peril.


Well last week was not exactly the best of weeks. However, it was merely the first week of the season and teams are hard to predict. For instance, besides Glasser’s claims he knew the Lions would not give up a TD (his credability is in question), who else could have predicted such a thing.

1) Washington over Dallas. Dallas is giving 6
Dallas will be unable to get their running game going and Bledsoe is yet to prove he can pass the ball efectively. I would not be suprised with Washington winning this game, or blowing it on a field goal. Either way, the spread will be covered.

2) St. Louis over San Fran. San Fran is getting 3
St. Louis had an impressive win against Denver, and I believe they will have no problem with the 49’ers defense

3) Notre Dame over Michigan. Michigan is getting 5
With Carr never winning in South Bend, and Jesus Christ himself (Weis) returning the glory to the Irish, this is my guarenteed stone cold lock of the year. I am so confident in this prediction, if it fails the creators of this site will reimburse your losses. Conservative Carr will fail his team again as the high profiled offense of the Irish, lead by Brady Quin will show they are one of the elite teams in college football

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8 comments
  1. first of all, i made my prediction based on what happened to the eagles after they went to the bowl and lost? They came out really flat the first game and only scored 1 td against the weak Falcon defense. History has a way of repeating itself and i just think the Seahawks are overrated as a whole.

    Your 2nd pick is the only one that i’d put money on, just because San Fran is horrible on D. Parcells will have his team playing better and they always step up in divisional games.

    Your 3rd pick is based on your man crush on Brady Quinn and it is flat out wrong. ND is more overrated than the Seahawks.

  2. lancer said:

    I take the 5th regarding my man crush on Brady Quin

  3. no doubt you take the 5th on the man crush, because if you could suck his cock everyday you would. Oh wait, maybe that’s why you frosted your tips last year.

    “Who ate the pies, Charlie Weis ate the pies” is the new chant going around the college football scene, and that man’s gunt is honestly big enough to serve as an O-lineman, just his gunt.

  4. I’m glad I took the opposite bet on that Lock of the Year. I mean its only half time but they are up by 32 factoring the line in. Thanks Lance, for making me money by taking the opposite pick on the Lock of the Year.

  5. Good thing Lance threw a College game in…just get those losses started early.

  6. Lance can’t be reached for comment right now, he’s currently in a glass case of emotion after Michigan’s defense just kicked Brady Quinn’s metrosexual ass off a bridge. That’s how they roll.

  7. Shawn Glasser said:

    the man went 0 for 3 and is a cumulative 1-5 in 2 weeks. We haven’t seen lance in a few days so we can only presume the man ended his life.

    I’m going out on a limb for this and don’t want to take away from Lance’s column but i say the only STONE COLD LOCK of the week should be betting against Lance’s picks.

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