Cris Carter got hit in the head a lot, but what is Jason Whitlock’s excuse?

    One of the running trends here on Joboo has been calling ESPN and their “personalities” out for stupid decisions.  Well, when you are the worldwide leader in sports television and part of the evil empire that is Disney you’re going to take your lumps.  I’m not going to apologize for ripping on them, but in the interest of fairness I have to give ESPN some credit for canning Jason Whitlock’s fat ass.  I’m not even sure what the real reason ESPN offered for firing Whitlock, but he claims that it was merely because he was exercising his constitutional right of free speech.  I would like to believe he was fired for merely being a moron, or in the alternative not knowing a god damned thing about sports but judging by ESPN’s other personal decisions there had to be something else here.  Well AOL decided to give Jason a shot to reach out to the masses, and boy did he reach out.  Click the read more link to see the “highlights” of Whitlock’s first weekly column on AOL.

Just to put the stupidity that I’m about to dissect in context, this was the intro to the column:

“Every NFL owner – except Al Davis – requires his entire coaching staff to read this column every Thursday afternoon before practice. I’ve worked as a consultant/tutor for Peter King, Dr. Z, John Clayton, Chris Mortensen, Len Pasquerelli, John Madden and many others.There is no higher authority on football than yours truly. Roger Goodell is considering changing the name of the Lombardi Trophy to the Whitlock Trophy in honor of my many contributions to the game.Here is some straight-no-chasers Real Talk about the NFL.”

 

  I’m not sure I have the words to describe my reaction to reading that passage.  I’m just going to suggest that each of you read that, get up and go look at yourself in the mirror and that will likely give you an idea at the bewilderment that overtook me for nearly a full hour.  I would like to say this was the craziest thing that Jason had to say, but fortunately for me he just kept spewing garbage faster than he stuffs him self at his favorite Kansas City barbecue joint.

 

  •    According to Withlock, “Marty Schottenheimer’s conservative offensive strategy against Baltimore made perfect sense, and the people shredding the right-wing coach need to calm down.”  Well I guess if you’re Baltimore that strategy made perfect sense.  I’m sure that San Diego fans disagree after suffering their league leading 5th loss despite leading entering the 4th quarter since the start of last season.  How does that happen with that defense?  Either they are all celebrating on some LEAN before the start of the 4th, or they are on the field too much and in bad situations in the 4th quarter.  I’m not saying you don’t trim down the playbook for Rivers, and you don’t run more with the lead, but I don’t know many situations in life that work out when your goal is to not lose rather than to win.
  • “Donovan McNabb has more to prove this Sunday than Terrell Owens.”  Whitlock wasn’t the only one that said this in the media, so I’m not singling him out, but I still don’t understand it any more after he said it.  Was Donovan the man who either can’t count pills or tried to kill himself?  Was Donovan the one with the history of starting feuds for no apparent reason?  Everyone keeps saying how Donovan has to prove he can win the big game, but I like to think that he’s won a few big games making it to all those NFC championship games.  A regular season game is all of a sudden bigger than a playoff game just because the media makes it a fiasco, that can’t really be the reason for calling it a big game.  Conversely, you’re telling me that because Donovan won this game he won’t get questions if he struggles in the NFC championship game about his ability to win the “big one”?  So Donovan really had nothing he needed to nor anything he could prove in this game. On the other hand Owens has to prove that his on field performance is worth all the shit that comes with it. He certainly had the opportunity to do it against the Eagles whose defense definitely had the Cowboys over matched at every other position.  Obviously a lot of the blame goes on Drew Bledsoe for that loss but the fact is they lose that game with or without T.O.  So is he really that valuable?  I certainly don’t think that if you plugged Keyshawn Johnson back there you lose anything more in that game except all that extra security and hype.  I could have done just fine with less of both of those anyway.
  • “The Redskins are everything I thought they’d be at the beginning of the season except sound on defense. No way Washington’s defense is as leaky as it appears. Springs’ absence at corner is causing much of the problem. When he returns, the Redskins will have one of the league’s five best defenses. Al Saunder’s offense put 36 points on the Jaguars. After a slow start, Saunders has Mark Brunell, Clinton Portis, Santana Moss and Co. moving up and down the field. I like Washington a teeny bit more than Chicago.”  So what he is saying is that the Redskins are completely inconsistent on offense, but he thought they would be better than they are on defense, and THOSE are reasons to like them more than the best team in the NFC?  I understand they have a lot of weapons on offense, but they all become dependent on Mark Brunell.  Anytime a defense A) pressures him and B) forces him to throw the ball more than 7 yards down field he looks about as competent at quarterback as someone the Redskins signed off the local special olympics team.  That’s exactly what the Giants’ defense did on Sunday.  I’m sure they match up real well with Chicago’s defense if they meet in the playoffs so Whitlock is probably right to favor the Redskins.  There is no way Chicago can pressure the quarterback, stop the run and play sit on those short routes.  Besides, its not like Chicago can score any points anyway.  Whitlock is sold on Bernard Berrian who is only averaging a touchdown catch per game.
  • “Good news for you degenerate gamblers, I have one guaranteed winner for you: Take Oklahoma State minus 2.5 at Kansas State.”  Well as you can probably guess from the fact that I’m including this prediction Kansas State gave a big FUCK YOU to Jason Whitlock and anyone stupid enough to listen to him by coming back from 10 down with under 3 minutes to play to win 31-27.  Well it is nice to see that Joboo and AOL have something in common; somebody giving predictions that doesn’t really seem to have a clue what the hell he is talking about.  I wonder if AOL is going to have to put up a disclaimer that you bet with Jason Whitlock at your own peril.
  • “Randy Moss wants out of Oakland. The New England Patriots have plenty of salary-cap room and a shortage of talented receivers. The perfect marriage? I think so.”  This would make Dennis Rodman marrying himself look like the Seavers off of Family Ties.  Last time I checked Bellicheck dumped his most talented reciever because he wanted to renogotiate in the offseason.  What happens the first time Randy starts demanding the ball in the middle of a game?  The Patriots have never tried to be the most talented team out there.  They have prided themselves winning with a team concept, so yeah great idea to fuck with that.  Hasn’t been working anyway, so I can see why Whitlock would want to blow that up.  Whitlock compares Randy Moss to Corey Dillon and how that worked out.  Corey always seemed a little misunderstood to me, he seemed to be most ticked off by losing with the Bengals for all those years.  Now that he’s on a winner he’s bought into the team concept.  Randy gets most ticked off about not getting the ball, so I’m pretty sure wins and loses don’t mean a damn thing to him.  Perfect fit for the rest of the AFC if that is what you meant Jason.

Well that concludes are inaugural journey through the wild and wacky world of Jason Whitlock.  I’m sad to be going to, but don’t worry I’m sure Jason will bless us with his wisdom again and we can all come back and revel in it.  Until then folks, take care of yourselves, and each other.

 

 

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