TELL ME WHERE THE LEATHER BASKETBALLS ARE!!!!!!

While watching Game 3 of one of the most depressing World Series of my short life, I was cheered up immensely by catching the preview for the upcoming 24 season. It got me pretty excited about everything 24, which got me thinking of other things making there return in the near future. Since the NBA making a return is a little more on topic for this blog, but given my inability to shake 24 from my mind, I decided, instead of rolling out an NBA season preview full of information you can gather from more reliable sources, I would let you know which NBA franchise corresponds to your favorite/least favorite 24 character. We’re going to start with the Western Conference merely to avoid any appearance of a Midwest bias.

Oh, yeah, that’s the 24 Season 6 trailer debuted Tuesday night.

  • Western Conference
    • Southwest
      • Dallas-Chloe O’Brian: Mark Cuban is that quirky computer person whose personality doesn’t seem to mesh well with others, but at the end of the day you find yourself strangely liking the person. Jack wouldn’t be able to do much with out Chloe’s technical expertise, and the Mav’s couldn’t seem to do anything but draft good talent and let it get away before Cuban came in with his money.
      • Houston-Mike Novick: Always in a position to really impress you and do something, he tends to walk around missing his obvious opportunities. Novick was in a position to sniff out a number of conspiracies but walked around with his head in the sand. The Rockets have a decent coach, one of the better centers in the league, and a premier player, at least when he is healthy. You continually expect more out of them, yet they continue to disappoint to the level where you ask yourself: “How many more chances are they going to get to screw up?”
      • Memphis-CTU Agent Lee Castle: Always the rather non-descript guy in the background, you always watched Agent Castle just wondering “So when are they going to kill this dude off?” It was inevitable, and I’m afraid that Memphis shares the same fate. They have the same kind of anonymous nature, and while you can enjoy what they contribute now, but in the back of your head you know that despite The Logo’s best efforts this team can’t be long for this world. And besides, their best player is European, and there are a lot of castles in Europe, so there you go.
      • New Orleans-Wayne Palmer: The Hornets are clearly going to be harboring some “hey don’t forget about us, we had to play in different cities too” vibes. Sometimes, the best motivator can be sibling jealousy, so we’ll see if they can handle their feelings of inadequacy after the post Katrina effects wear off and they are still second class citizens to a Saints’ playoff push.
      • San Antonio-Bill Buchanan: Quiet, unassuming yet they always seem to come through when it counts. They have the experience to consistently put them in the thick of things, but the fact that they lack a dynamic personality may hamper them in the ever increasingly up tempo nature of the NBA.
    • Northwest
      • Denver-Paul Raines: For the most part, you’re pretty impressed with them. On paper Paul Raines looks like a pretty accomplished guy, so when he decides to tag along with Jack you don’t think it’s such a bad idea . . . right up until it becomes painfully clear that he is in way over his head. That’s kind of like Denver in the playoffs. You think they should be able to hang in there, but then the end up losing in the playoffs to the CLIPPERS. That has to be the NBA equivalent of dying on an operating table from a gun shot you took saving the life of the guy that is banging your wife because the same guy is pointing a gun at the doctor trying to save you.
      • Minnesota-Martha Logan: It seems only fitting that the Timberwolves be exemplified by mental illness. How crazy? Let’s see; having to give up draft picks because you illegally negotiated with JOE SMITH, Kevin Garnett having that 1000 yard stare after continually losing year after year, and of course, Eddie Griffin umm . . . taking care of himself. . .while watching porn. . . .WHILE DRIVING HIS SUV!!!!!!
      • Portland-Erin Driscoll: Driscoll had a lot expected of her as director of CTU Los Angeles, but it’s hard to come through when you got some crazy child you have to deal with. The Blazer’s crazy child? Zach Randolph. My favorite quote about Zach, his high school coach once said, “I just don’t want the day to come where I pick up that paper and it says [Zach] shot someone or that he was shot. Every day that goes by that I don’t see that, I feel good.”
      • Seattle- Any Random CTU Agent: They obviously have some talent to be part of the team at CTU, but you never really learn anything about them, good or bad, and you really don’t mind it that way. The Sonics have Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis, who are pretty talented, but other than that you don’t really care that much about the Sonics. You want them to show up and play a good game against your team, but not good enough to upstage your team. CTU asks the same thing from their agents. Don’t screw up, do your job, but remember that everyone is here to see Jack so don’t get in his way.
      • Utah-Nina Meyers: Nina was willing to betray Jack, her country, just about anyone for money. Well Carlos Boozer took that advice to heart. Carlos asked Cavaliers’ owner Gordon Gund to not pick up the club option on his contract, so that they could renegotiate a better deal. Carlos assured Gund that he had no intention of signing elsewhere, so Gund being a trusting old blind man agreed. And yet Carlos ended up signing a deal with the Utah Jazz. It takes a serious level of betrayal to screw over a Blind guy and side with Utah. It’s pretty similar to screwing America and siding with terrorists with bigger bank accounts if you ask me.
    • Pacific
      • Golden State-Lynn McGill: Tired of feeling like the little man, Lynn didn’t report that he got his ass kicked and robbed by his sister and her junkie boyfriend. The result? Nearly the whole CTU team got killed by some nerve gas. Evidently Golden State got tired of playing fourth wheel on the California basketball scene so they tried to make a splash. Signing Baron Davis was kind of like getting your ass kicked, and then signing Mike Montgomery to coach was like compounding the problem by not reporting it. Together, those two have been just as effective as any nerve gas at killing an already weak Golden State.
      • Los Angeles Lakers-President Charles Logan: How does one of the least likable people get to the top of their profession? Some say hard work, others say they get a leg up because of their family and I’m sure there are other options too. Whatever the case is, Kobe is most certainly near the top of the NBA pyramid despite the fact that most people can’t stand him. I’m not saying Kobe is likely to start killing Americans, but can anyone rule out him concocting some elaborate conspiracy to make him look like the good guy in a situation?
      • Los Angeles Clippers-Terri Bauer: No matter what happens you are always going to be overshadowed by you’re more liked roommate. He may cheat on you, but trust me he’ll never be the bad guy in the house. Even when you try and steal a little bit of his thunder by infringing on his work, you may get a little success but it’ll all come crashing back down when you end up getting shot in the end. Sure the Clippers may have pushed past the Lakers last season, just like Terri did with Jack for a few episodes in the first season, but we all knew who really wore the pants in the family.
      • Phoenix-Jack Bauer: Jack has that attitude, no matter what the odds or difficulties they are just going to shoot and shoot and shoot some more until the other guys are dead. The Suns play the same way, they just keep running up and down the floor, and in the end they outlast everyone else. They showed they could adapt like Jack, playing defense when they needed it, but when all else fails just keep firing. Last season was their “we’re dead, don’t bother us we won’t bother you” season, but Amare coming back is like Jack being brought into the plot to kill Palmer, so the rest of the world should be scared.
      • Sacramento-Vice-President Prescott: He showed up for a little while, prior to you figuring out that the president was really behind the whole scheme, and you thought he might be a player. You looked at him and decided that he had to be involved in a big way. In the end, he just fades away and you realize that he wasn’t that big a deal to begin with. The Kings came on the scene a few years back looking to be contenders. They never really got over the hump, and it seems like their window has closed. A lot of people fell for the idea that they were going to be a serious part of the NBA for a long time, until we all realized that they weren’t that big of deal and moved on with our lives.
Advertisements
1 comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: