Totally forgot to post this, but uh, here you go

Sorry for the delay in getting the much anticipated conclusion of the first ever NBA-24 preview. So with out further ado here is how the eastern conference is going to compare with the characters from the BEST SHOW ON TV.

And if you missed the Western Conference preview, well, it is here.

  • Eastern Conference
    • Atlantic
      • Boston-Secret Service Agent Aaron Pierce: The Celtics seem to be one of the more consistently mediocre teams in the league. They beat the weaker teams, they lose to the stronger teams and they are NEVER going home with the President’s wife with Paul Pierce as the only option. Sebastian Telfair would also like to be able to carry a gun into any building in the country like a secret service agent, so there you go.
      • New Jersey- Michelle Dessler: Michelle fell in love with Tony, and for good reason, but when it was no longer a positive relationship for her she was never able to pull away fully. How did that end for her? She ended up getting blown up proper. New Jersey fell in love with Jason Kidd and he got him close, but following the injuries and his increasing age, are the Nets going to be able to get away from him before they get blown up by a car bomb?
      • New York-Tony Almeida: Tony had all the things necessary to succeed but decided to throw it away on one bad decision, when he decided to commit treason and save his wife. New York has the resources to be successful but they have decided to throw it all away with one bad decision, namely getting in bed with Isiah Thomas. This is going to turn the Knicks into the alcoholic, unemployed guy that will only get back on his feet if their old friend David Stern rigs the draft when the next Patrick Ewing is available instead of Jack calling when he was surrounded by terrorists.
      • Philadelphia-President Palmer: Just like AI, President Palmer was good enough on his own to carry episodes alone, but maybe it’s that time where a change of scenery might be good for everyone. But, hopefully AI does a little better than the Unit with his new team.
      • Toronto-Walt Cummings: The man made some moves, thought he was the big shot controlling things and appeared to be doing a reasonably good job with it all. Then, just when he got in a little bit of trouble he got killed by the real people in charge. With new GM Bryan Colangelo Toronto is probably thinking they are players but Hockey is still the number one “sport” up there, and David Stern still is going to control their destiny. Toronto is a prime candidate to be moved as David Stern continues on his path to world domination.
    • Central
      • Chicago-Curtis Manning: The Bulls roster seems like a good combination of youth and experience that is ready to make that step up from random CTU agent to the head of the tactical department. However, given their makeup, when it comes down to it they likely won’t get control of the whole league, and will be passed over for a more playoff tested team.
      • Cleveland-Mrs. Logans’ Aide, Evelyn Martin: Evelyn had her young daughter kidnapped in order to ensure she kept her mouth shut about the ongoing conspiracy. Cleveland has had their franchise kidnapped in order to keep their superstar happy. Resigning him was a must, but why not just give him the title Player/Coach/GM/Marketing Director/Chief Financial Officer and end the charade that one person is controlling the whole show. Evelyn ended up getting her daughter ended up ok, but not before going through some seriously traumatic events.
      • Detroit-Chase Edmunds: Losing Ben Wallace is kind of like losing your left hand. You don’t realize how much you use it and need it, up until you get it loped off with an ax. The Piston’s are going to miss Wallace’s defense, rebounding and attitude and at least Chase lost a hand stopping a chemical outbreak instead of trying to save some cash.
      • Indiana- George Mason: Mason ended up dying of radiation poisoning due to the toxicity surrounding him. It’s only a matter of time before the toxicity surrounding the Pacers and their players end up killing that franchise. But seriously, let’s all vow to keep Stephen Jackson away from any sort of nuclear material, for all our sakes.
      • Milwaukee-Edgar Stiles: Awkward, not really sure how to fit in despite having some talent. Milwaukee is probably going to die this season like they just inhaled some poison gas. On the bright side Edgar would certainly fit in, in the land of beer, brats and bowling.
    • Southeast
      • Atlanta- Sarah Gavin: Sarah was wrongly accused of passing information on to terrorists trying to kill Jack. Under extreme pressure she was expected to confess, but she never did because in reality she couldn’t. That is similar to Hawk’s predicament. They are accused, wrongly I might add, of being an NBA franchise. They keep getting thrown into the pressure of an NBA season with the anticipation that they are some how just going to come up winners. As Sarah proved, you can’t expect people to do things they aren’t capable of no matter what vicious rumors surround them, so the Hawks will continue to look more like a WNBA team.
      • Charlotte-Kate Warner: Both were the new kids on the block that you find offering some positive things. Just like it was good to see Jack back on the dating scene, it’s good to have MJ back around the NBA. However, with both you are left wondering how long can it really last? Jack is all about killing terrorists, and MJ is all about gambling and playing golf, neither points to lasting, meaningful relationships.
      • Miami-Kim Bauer: Most true 24 fans found her more of a distraction than anything else, and that seems appropriate for a team facing things like: defending a title, D-Wade worn down from the World Championships, and Shaq being involved in SWAT team raids. On the other hand Miami remains a very sexy town and D-Wade is ready for that “I’m going to draw you in with how attractive my game is and then surprise you with an unexpected success” a la The Girl Next Door breakthrough performance that officially makes it his team, and not Shaq’s.
      • Orlando-Audrey Raines: We all know someone that jumped into a long term relationship, and while it looked like a good idea at the time, but they find out that you’re going to get nothing but hurt with that other person. Well Audrey came back to Jack despite his whole faking his death just to see him get kidnapped by the Chinese. Orlando made a big commitment to Grant Hill a while back, and despite all the injuries they talked themselves into him making a contribution again, only to have him burn them one more time. Hopefully once his contract is off the books the two will split ways as quick as Audrey jumped over to The Nine.
      • Washington-President Keeler: Keeler got the presidency taking it from lesser competition after President Palmer stepped away, which is kind of like Washington beating up on a pretty weak Eastern Conference. Keeler’s reign wasn’t that long though, after he almost died when Air Force One was shot down. Well, the East has gotten a lot younger, more athletic and frankly BETTER, so that heat seeking missile is already locked on to the Wizards meaning their time near the top is awfully limited.
1 comment
  1. Benny B. said:

    Kim Bauer is the best reason to watch 24. But that new season trailer looks pretty good. I might start watching again.

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