Well, its that time again. Remarkably, the Champ has been rather upbeat this week, despite the absolute drumming the Democrats served on the GOP this week. I have been looking at the positives, and so far, it really hasn’t bothered me much. But none of this newly found bipartisan style that the Champ has recently acquired will rub off on the column. As far as the column goes, it is bold as always, and I AM the party. We all know that my MAC locks haven’t been going well. So, they are out the window. Avid Joboo readers may also have noticed that our friend Lance seems to have disappeared. Where has Lance been? Any answers to this question will be gladly accepted in our comments section, but we really just don’t know where he is. So, what I am doing this week is taking over Lance’s Locks. I mean if he won’t get the job done, the Champ will. That’s right, folks. I got the boat and the army tanks. The Coup has been staged. What I have for everyone this week are 2 GUARANTEES for my bold predictions. Following the guarantees, I will provide my three locks of the week that I have now officially taken over from the awol Lance. Enjoy!
Could I move more than 342 copies in the first week that I have the album out?
I don’t stay up at night posing these questions to myself, but, I like to imagine that Ron Artest does. I doubt these are lofty aspirations…I google the words debut album sales rap and the first entry that comes up is one telling me that Jibbs should not be pleased with the 46,000 albums he pushed in his debut week.
Well, the hell with Jibbs (one of the members of Insane Clown Posse?), as the masses will be pleased to know that Mr. Artest sold 343 copies of his album. Originally, the number was reported as ONE. Which, really, would not have surprised any living soul. Amazon.com’s rankings has Artest at #49,111 in Music. I had no idea until just this moment that there were 49,111 albums available to purchase.
To put this in perspective Jeopardy style… When I was about 12 a buddy of mine used to purchase casette tapes from random black gentlemen aspiring to become part of the rap game, needless to say, they never amounting to anything except for dudes selling cassettes from out of their vehicles. At which point, Ken Jennings chimes in with the answer…Who are dudes currently laughing at Ron Artest?
You Tube all in ain’t got it up yet raise the big blind, and I know queen high flush, I got the Ace Dotes and Doug will be all in over this, but damn how do i play this small pocket pair, that shit was wrong. Just wrong, but the wheel is just so right. The Raiders may be the worst 7 card stud thing to ever happen to professional football Phil Hellmuth.
I will go ahead and bluff predict right now that the Sport’s Guy, Daniel Negreanu and every other funny sports media outlet great catch on the river in the entire world will be on this soon. Art Shell on tilt. But Joboo was there first. Gonna lay this monster down.
Editor’s Note: We hired Spencer to write POKER columns. Not sure what this was, but uh, had to edit in some poker words.
Writer’s Note: I plan on going Raiders on dougie’s junk next time I see him cause of this edit.
Editor’s Note #2: To the readers…you know the movie Drumline, with Nick Cannon? Well, Spencer transferred from MSU Law to Grambling State law just to work his way into a drumline. Means…a. you’re not getting anywhere near me to go Raiders on my junk and b. You idolize Nick Cannon and want to mash on them sticks. It’s cool. It’s just that the whole world now knows.
A lot has happened since my last column. The Tigers broke my heart, and in the process pissed off the entire National League. The NBA season kicked off, and perhaps most importantly, the Champ has fell into quite a groove in heads up Full Tilt Poker. Anyways, I have no idea where I was going with any of the above, so I will cut the crap and jump right into this weeks BOLD predictions. Continuing with last week’s format, I will provide 3 bold predictions, and 2 MAC locks of the week. Here we go:
1) The Oakland Raiders upset the Seahawks on Monday Night
You may not have heard this, given the hoopla surrounding the St. Louis most dangerous city victory honors, but Tony LaRussa is co-producer on a film project about himself. This has to be said, this is something that should not be done.
A movie…about LaRussa. Hey, OK, the man took the number 10 when coming to St. Louis and then it took him a DECADE to bring St. Louis their tenth Championship. I’m OK with LaRussa being a character in a LIFETIME movie about Jose Canseco’s book, but this is something that should not happen.
But, apparently it is going to happen. LaRussa has met with the movie folks and have been kicking around movie ideas. I’ll be honest, whatever they come up, unless it’s Saw IV and LaRussa slides down a razor blade into alcohol river, I’m not giving a damn.
Still, even if I don’t give a damn, it’s still happening. There’s probably going to be 15 minutes of LaRussa explaining why he tinkered with his batting order to put the pitcher into the eight position on occasion. Riveting drama, let me tell you. We got the script for a scene of the TONY LARUSSA PROJECT. You can read it by clicking read more.