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You Tube all in ain’t got it up yet raise the big blind, and I know queen high flush, I got the Ace Dotes and Doug will be all in over this, but damn how do i play this small pocket pair, that shit was wrong. Just wrong, but the wheel is just so right. The Raiders may be the worst 7 card stud thing to ever happen to professional football Phil Hellmuth.

I will go ahead and bluff predict right now that the Sport’s Guy, Daniel Negreanu and every other funny sports media outlet great catch on the river in the entire world will be on this soon. Art Shell on tilt. But Joboo was there first. Gonna lay this monster down.

Editor’s Note: We hired Spencer to write POKER columns. Not sure what this was, but uh, had to edit in some poker words.

Writer’s Note: I plan on going Raiders on dougie’s junk next time I see him cause of this edit.

Editor’s Note #2: To the readers…you know the movie Drumline, with Nick Cannon? Well, Spencer transferred from MSU Law to Grambling State law just to work his way into a drumline. Means…a. you’re not getting anywhere near me to go Raiders on my junk and b. You idolize Nick Cannon and want to mash on them sticks. It’s cool. It’s just that the whole world now knows.

            As we face the sun falling over the beautiful day that was online poker, I have to wonder how the hell the whole craze got to be so big. Some people simply say that gambling is a degenerative thing and people, particularly young college students, were given infinite access to gambling. It would be somewhat akin to putting a casino in every city, town, farmhouse, or anywhere that a phone line or satellite link could reach. But I wonder if that had been the case, and not the online version of the trend, would we really  have reached the hysteria that online poker created? Read More

You ever wanted a girl to call you? We all have. Sometimes they even do. But then they start calling over and over to the point when you’re like “woman, don’t call here no more.” Then they call again, and you start to lose it. You’re having visions of every shitty teen/horror movie where the chick goes nuts and axes you, and all you can think about now is axing her before she gets to you. And then she calls again.

 

Now imagine you’re sitting at a poker table. Some girl across from you has limped into every hand. After taking a sip off her long island ice tea and talking to her friend for a minute about the Food Network’s show about some chick who went to Italy and lived off of four lira a day for a month, she looks back to the table. You remind her it’s her turn (again), and after placing the long island down, she asks how much it is to call and puts the chips in. You look down to see Big Slick (Ace King for those of you that don’t know, but really, who doesn’t know that?). You decide you need to raise. You raise it up to like five times the big blind. She looks around, puts down the text message she’s typing to her cell phone and says “I call.” “Sweet,” you think. You think. The flop comes down Queen, Seven, Deuce. She checks. You bet. A lot. She looks at her cards, flashes em to her friends, and says “ok, I call.” You decide she doesn’t have much, and on the turn she checks, so you move all-in. She calls right away and shows King Seven offsuit. You lose. In this scenario is the cold dead reality about playing with girls. I’ve seen it more times than I care to remember. Dudes overbet against girls who can’t even deal the game they’re playing in. In short, girls, for the most part, are flat out terrible at poker. Read More

Editor’s Note: Rush Spencer Smith is a new columnist here at Joboo. Once a week, or so, he’ll be writing about poker. He joins our cavalcade of gambling authors along with Lance’s Stone Cold Locks every Friday and The Champ’s Bold Predictions on Thursday night. Doherty and I are comfortable in our roles of mocking athletes and providing analysis. And as always none of the views or incoherent logic expressed represents the opinions of Joboo’s creators.

 

The crowbar slowly cracked open the crate. Smells of rotting food and urine poured out of the new opening. The beard of the Iranian had grown longer during the cross-Atantic trek. He threw a rope over the side of the crate and discovered that his crate was stacked on top of several other crates. He knew the tanker had completed the voyage, all in good time. He praised Allah for a safe voyage. Read More