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NFL

    One of the running trends here on Joboo has been calling ESPN and their “personalities” out for stupid decisions.  Well, when you are the worldwide leader in sports television and part of the evil empire that is Disney you’re going to take your lumps.  I’m not going to apologize for ripping on them, but in the interest of fairness I have to give ESPN some credit for canning Jason Whitlock’s fat ass.  I’m not even sure what the real reason ESPN offered for firing Whitlock, but he claims that it was merely because he was exercising his constitutional right of free speech.  I would like to believe he was fired for merely being a moron, or in the alternative not knowing a god damned thing about sports but judging by ESPN’s other personal decisions there had to be something else here.  Well AOL decided to give Jason a shot to reach out to the masses, and boy did he reach out.  Click the read more link to see the “highlights” of Whitlock’s first weekly column on AOL. Read More

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Rex Grossman                                                               “Not only was I the best QB, but I have a full head of hair BITCHES.”

TO: Football Fans

From: Rex Grossman

Dear Football Fans,

I realize that many of you might not know me too well, so in conjunction with the absolute ass whipping the Bears and I just laid on the Seattle Seahawks I thought I would write to say hello. Now, I can’t really be mad at any of you for not being familiar with me since it has been awhile since I’ve played more than a couple of games in a season. I just want to go on the record and say that whatever people may think, I AM NOT MARK PRIOR. Nothing against the man, but I do pee standing up. Glad I cleared that up, so now click the read more link to find out what you need to know about me and the rest of Monsters of the Midway.

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    Looks like at this point the appropriate answer is back at his home.  Unless you are kicking it in a cave going through Osama’s belongings and trying to make sense of an Arabic will, you’ve probably heard that Terrell Owens tried to kill himself last night by overdosing on pain medication.  Doug has already weighed in on the similarities between T.O. and the Cardinals, but for me the main difference is that if the Cardinals do die and don’t make the playoffs I’ll be ecstatic, but if T.O. dies my life will probably be effected in no significant manner.  But in the interest of playing both sides of the issue I’m going to offer a completely plausible explanation for T.O.’s hospital trip other than him trying to kill himself.  It’s probably not what actually happened, but if ESPN can speculate out their asses why can’t I? Read More

A week ago, Terrell Owens just had a finger injury and an ego.

A week ago, the St. Louis Cardinals had an 8 and a half game lead in the NL Central.

Last night, they both decided the hell with that and emerge this morning as a mental whack job and a team with a 1 1/2 game lead.

Terrell Owens attempted general suicide and the Cardinals, well, they’re just not giving a damn about making the playoffs. One of the two drowned their sorrows with 35 pain pills. That, was Owens. The Cardinals just can’t beat anybody right now.

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Yeah, you read that right. This column is going to be all about me picking games with a hatchet. For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Becca, and in the sense of full disclosure, I’m dating Ryan, one of the creators of this little blog. I figured if the Champ gets a column just for living with Doug, well then I have definitley earned a place on here. What gave me a perfect opportunity to get a spot on here is the simple fact that our friend Lance has been messing up his picks lately. Ok, he has been absolutely atrocious with his Stone Cold Locks of the Week. I mean 1-5, at that rate he’s going to have more than law school loans to pay off. So as a possible incentive for Lance to pull his head out of his ass we decided to hold a little competition to see who’s the better prognosticator. Click the read more link to learn a little more about my system and see my picks for week 3. Read More

A few weeks ago here on Joboo I wrote a column about players who I wanted to see back in the NFL (In honor of Jeff George). The following was written…

Morten Andersen

I defy anyone to come up with a good reason why Morten Andersen should not be in the league. Dude is Danish and was in the League forever. He never really needed to leave. He once stated he wanted to play the game until he was FIFTY and teams like the BROWNS and the LIONS consider themselves too good for this man? Please. Some team that starts the season 2-4 should man up and sign Morten.

By the way, FUCK Gary Anderson. He is one man we definitely do not need back.”

Well, the Atlanta Falcons have decided to man up and get it done as they have brought the FORTY-SIX year old Morten Andersen back into the fold in the A-T-L. Whatever fool the Falcons had the past two weeks clearly was not getting the damn thing done as he went 2 for 8. Thank you Falcons, this is a seriously wise move. The league needs more Morten.

Of his return, Morten told espn.com…”When I said that I wanted to kick until I was 50, no one said I couldn’t skip a year here or there. So I took last season off, right? Now I’m ready to go again. It’s going to be great.”

Do it up proper, Morten. Get your dollars.
The rest of the column In Honor of Jeff George is here.

SHOOSH

For those of you that were too worried about Roy Williams safety or didn’t want to be made ill by the Lions play today and didn’t tune in, I’ll try and give you a little help on the Bears beatdown of the Lions. Click the read more and you can check out my thoughts at the half and after the inevitable conclusion of the Bears making the Lions look worse than the Packers. Read More