How do you score an interview with America’s most popular fetus?
I spent about 15 minutes trying to figure out that question and then I decided to just call Bridget Moynahan. I told her my name was Pete Carroll and I had a very intriguing offer for Moynahan and her fetus. Within seconds, I was on speaker with the fetus.
“Carroll…again?” was the first thing I heard. Somehow I managed to answer in stride. Then again, it wasn’t too surprising that Pete Carroll was on the recruiting trail for Tom Brady’s kid. I asked if he received the gift basket that Joboo sent along (paid for by the campaign of The Champ for schoolboard). “Of course I did. Basket with a peach and a bottle of whiskey, right?”
That was not the basket. But, no matter. I told the young lad that it was, however only after I procured an answer from him that led me to believe he was enjoying the whiskey. Then, it was time to get down to this interview.
What kind of question do you open with to a fetus? Damn, man, it’s a shame Pennsylvania voted Rick Santorum out of the senate. Didn’t vote for him myself. Sorry, dog, hope you make it to see the light of day. Do you think Tom is a jerk for bailing on Bridget and heading into the throes of passion with a model 10 years younger? That’s not a good lead and frankly I’m thinking could make the fetus turtle up and not talk to me about the answers I needed to get. Should I call it IT? Or just assume that Brady would only have a male, quarterbacking child? I went with the assumption.
So, I went with how’s life. Simple, wanted it to be somewhat of an icebreaker type
“Banged Scarlett Johansson already, how the hell you think life is? Pretty crazy.”