We’re at Super Bowl Media Day, bitches! Part I

Tank Johnson was busy at Super Bowl Media Day…at least I assume so. I gather the assumption is fairly safe since media types tend to be drawn to Human Interest stories when it comes to athletes. And if anything qualifies in that realm, it’s multiple charges of gun possession and the need to have judicial permission to attend the Super Bowl.

So, Tank got some obvious attention on Media Day and reporters got to use OBVIOUSLY WITTY AND OH SO FUN AND NEVER GET OLD lines like “Tank left his arsenal in Chi-Town” in their ledes. Tank spoke with the media and mentioned how he was considering going to Subway for dinner and then turned to the company that he keeps.

“I’ve just got to keep my circle tight with the people who care about me and keep good people around me,” Tank said.

He continued to speak about how the arrest has changed his life, like Barbaro’s injury and the world we live in, for the better. Tank mentioned that the arrest “opened my eyes”, which I’m sure makes him a better person these days.

We may or may not have any reporters on the ground in Miami to cover Super Bowl week (we filed for a Media Day Press Pass, but were damn near denied when the NFL discovered that arleen removed us from her blogroll), but we do have this story to file about things that may or may not have been said regarding Tank’s eyes now being opened…And other general media day comments.

“The thing you notice about Tank, after the arrest, is his compassion,” Bears head coach Lovie Smith said from his media day perch that happened to be a royal thrown donated by the Egyptians. “Ptolemy XII sat in this shit…I don’t think Denny crowned him personally, but you get the idea.”

Remember when we used to make predictions on here?

It sure has been a wild season in the NFL, but that probably pales in comparison to the ups and downs we’ve experienced here at Joboo.  We started off by offering you Lance’s Stone Cold Locks of the Week, and despite the bravado cold was the only adjective that accurately described Lance’s ability to correctly predict NFL winners.  I would like to say that we were all a little broken up by Lance ending his tenure as pickmaster, but to be honest it saved us from having to apologize for how bad the picks were.  Then we moved on to letting the Champ in addition to his Bold Predictions starting flexing his NFL picking muscle.  Predictably, those NFL picks turned out about as well as the Detroit Tigers World Series experience. We even went as far as to let my girlfriend THROW HATCHETS in an attempt to bring you accurate NFL picks. However the regular season ended without a clear choice for who should be making picks for us.

Joboo Co-founder Doug even took a stab at making picks in the playoffs, and quickly went 0-4 bookending the shortest tenure of NFL predictions thus far on the website.  I’ve somehow managed to stay sane enough to avoid publicly making predictions, aside from my correct call in the NFC Championship game, and if I were smarter than I am I would retire 1-0. (Forgetting of course my preseason NFL predictions that may best be described as “putrid”) But really, what are the chances of THAT happening.

HOW ‘BOUT THEM SAINTS???

We all knew it was going to happen, but it still had to be seen to be believed. The New Orleans Saints walked into Soldier Field and proceeded to walk all over the helpless Chicago Bears. For a franchise that had never even made it to the Super Bowl, this coronation was long overdue. Still grappling with the after effects of Hurricane Katrina, Louisiana needed these Saints, hell, the whole country outside of Chicago needed this team. The imaginative play calling of rookie, and coach of the year, head coach Sean Payton was inspired, and matched only by the unparrelled offensive talent of Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Deuce McCallister and the bevy of talented wide recievers. Brees proved why he is the best quarterback in the league, and Reggie Bush solidified why he should have been the number one overall pick as he proved the Bears defense to be slow and unathletic. But after all, this is what the experts all predicted from the start.

WAIT A SECOND. . . .That’s not what happened at all. God dammit, I know I shouldn’t write these damn things beforehand.

I Really Didn’t Want to Have to Say This, but. . . .

I fear I have no choice at this point.  THE HELL WITH KATRINA.  There, I said it, and you know what it feels GREAT.  I have been kind of avoiding ESPN’s NFL coverage since last Sunday because I knew that the feel good story of the year would be permeating the airwaves.  I really should have continued that policy, but for whatever reason I decided to check out the ESPN’s “expert” picks.  You can take a look for yourself, but I’ll save you the trouble.  NOT ONE OF THEM, NOT A SINGLE GOD DAMN ONE, THINK THE BEARS ARE GOING TO WIN THIS SUNDAY!!!!!!!!

The HELL with Brett Favre

Ok, this really isn’t about Brett Favre so much as the Bears. Really, despite being a Bear’s fan, or maybe because I’m a Bears fan, I respect the hell out of Brett. Sure, the media coverage is a bit overdone, but you can’t blame him for that. He just goes out and competes at a very high level. He’s done it for a long time, and it’s been at such a high level that no matter his teammates and no matter his opponent he ALWAYS has a chance to win. So, basically in that statement all my fustration as a Bears’ fan should be obvious.

Really, I mean how hard can it be to play quarterback in the NFL. On second thought, it’s probably pretty hard, and really I guess I shouldn’t be too angry at Rex and Brian. A better question should probably be, “how hard is it to find a guy to play quarterback that won’t KILL your team?” I’m not even saying you should expect to find a great quarterback every time you go out looking for one. I’m sure lots of teams passed on some hillbilly from Southern Mississippi with a strong arm. A lot of times stumbling into a franchise quarterback is how it’s going to be done. Sure you can look at Peyton Manning and Carson Palmer as franchise type guys that were drafted high with good pedigrees. But last time I checked Ryan Leaf had a pretty decent college career. So why are franchise killing quarterbacks out there? I have the answer, and it’s easier than you might think.

Can we crown them yet, Denny?

    I should probably start out by saying that while a rabid Bears fan, I for one was never talking that 16-0 noise.  Of course I’ve wondered aloud about how cool it would be to stop hearing stories about some Dolphin’s team with Bob Griese at quarterback and even hypothesized about it being possible if they could just make it out of Gillette Stadium alive.  Luckily, the Dolphins ended any of that silly discussion that was even infecting the major media.  On the flip side of that, I realize the Bears lost to the Dolphins, but suddenly they are terrible?  Come on, even great teams lose games they probably shouldn’t, so expecting merely a good Bears team to not stumble is ridiculous.  So what are we left with after their victory in the Meadowlands on Sunday night? 

It’s a great day to be a Chicago sports fan . . . or is it?

Of course the Chicago Bears emerging as the apparent class of the NFC is a great development, but it isn’t really a surprise to anyone that is actually a Bears fan. And in even more exciting news, not only did Dusty Baker not get a contract extension, but, team president Andy McPhail took it upon himself to fall on his sword and resign his position. Neither of these developments instantly make the Cubs better next year, but there is reason to be excited . . .right? The Cubs organization can’t possibly fill the head coach and team president with two more incompetent individuals . . .right? Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news in the light of all this optimism, but click the read more link to find out why the Cubs are in no way, shape, or form in better shape then they were a couple weeks ago.

Hi, You may not know me, but my name is Rex

                                                               “Not only was I the best QB, but I have a full head of hair BITCHES.”

TO: Football Fans

From: Rex Grossman

Dear Football Fans,

I realize that many of you might not know me too well, so in conjunction with the absolute ass whipping the Bears and I just laid on the Seattle Seahawks I thought I would write to say hello. Now, I can’t really be mad at any of you for not being familiar with me since it has been awhile since I’ve played more than a couple of games in a season. I just want to go on the record and say that whatever people may think, I AM NOT MARK PRIOR. Nothing against the man, but I do pee standing up. Glad I cleared that up, so now click the read more link to find out what you need to know about me and the rest of Monsters of the Midway.

Picks with a Muthafuckin Hatchet

Yeah, you read that right. This column is going to be all about me picking games with a hatchet. For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Becca, and in the sense of full disclosure, I’m dating Ryan, one of the creators of this little blog. I figured if the Champ gets a column just for living with Doug, well then I have definitley earned a place on here. What gave me a perfect opportunity to get a spot on here is the simple fact that our friend Lance has been messing up his picks lately. Ok, he has been absolutely atrocious with his Stone Cold Locks of the Week. I mean 1-5, at that rate he’s going to have more than law school loans to pay off. So as a possible incentive for Lance to pull his head out of his ass we decided to hold a little competition to see who’s the better prognosticator. Click the read more link to learn a little more about my system and see my picks for week 3.

Final: Bears v. Lions

For those of you that were too worried about Roy Williams safety or didn’t want to be made ill by the Lions play today and didn’t tune in, I’ll try and give you a little help on the Bears beatdown of the Lions. Click the read more and you can check out my thoughts at the half and after the inevitable conclusion of the Bears making the Lions look worse than the Packers.