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Monthly Archives: June 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Champ has been asked to return to provide some “expert” forecasting insight into the Ron Mexico Celebrity Dogfighting Extravaganza. I must also take this opportunity to give my namesake and credentials a quick plug. For those who don’t know me, or why I call myself “the Champ” it all started as a poker thing. My poker track record had gone rather south between the nickname creation and now, and some began to question the validity of me in fact being “the Champ”. However, I recently completed two impressive tournament runs placing 2nd out of 85, and 13th out of 100 a week later. So, cutting to the bottom line of this self-plug, all that I guess I can really say is that I am in fact the Champ.

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Surry County officials had secured a search warrant in late May based on an informant’s information to look for as many as 30 dog carcasses buried on the property.

That property, as you all well know, belongs to Michael Vick. It means only one thing.

Welcome to the 2007 Michael Vick Celebrity Dogfighting Extravaganza

Your hosts: Gus Johnson, Michael Vick, and a rotating cast of color commentators.

Gus Johnson: WELCOME EVERYONE TO SOME TOWN NESTLED MAJESTICALLY IN THE PAINTED FORESTS OF THE GREAT STATE OF VIRGINIA. Hello everyone this is GUS JOHNSON coming to you live from a small barn type building painted JET BLACK for the occasion and Michael why don’t you tell the folks what that occasion is!

Mike Vick: Ha, well, dog, what we have today is the opening round in the first, hopefully, annual Michael Vick Celebrity Dogfighting Extravaganza. Shit, pretty damn awesome we got a guy like you here Gus, but I’m not sure about why we have Braves baseball announcer Chip Caray here…

Chip Caray: Michael, Gus, glad we are here on what is definitely a gorgeous day for dogfighting.

Mike Vick: Pouring down rain and motherfuckers with a lot of cash money, yes, I would say this shit is pristine for dogfights.

Gus Johnson: Well, let’s not waste any more time, let’s get to the first contest of the evening. In the pit first we have an all time LEGEND. You know this dog from the comic strip PEANUTS. Folks, he is Charlie Brown’s pet BEAGLE. Ladies and Gentlemen, a 10 seed from the Marcus bracket…Snoopy!

Chip Caray: And while we await the entrance of Snoopy, let’s mention those brackets and how this field will work. We have two brackets and thirty-two competitors. Seeded 1 through 16 in two brackets. The Marcus bracket and the Ron Mexico bracket.

Gus Johnson: LOOK AT THIS FOLKS! LOOK AT THE ENTRANCE OF SNOOPY, THE 10 SEED, THE UNDERDOG IN THIS OPENING CONTEST…he is coming out on top the doghouse transitioned to become a Sopwith Camel! The World War I fighter aircraft! He has on the goggles and the scarf!

Chip Caray: Interesting choice by Snoopy in this bout to come out with the WW1 fighter pilot attire. Where is his focus? Is it on winning this bout or impressing this crowd?

Mike Vick: Well, shit, if he was tryin’ to impress this crowd he would have brought a sack of weed.

Chip Caray: I stand corrected.

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From The St Pete Times:
“A 17-year-old foster girl living with a relative of Elijah Dukes told police the Devil Rays outfielder got her pregnant. Detectives believe the sex was consensual and no crime was commited, but the incident has sparked a state investigation into the foster home.”

More importantly, however:

“She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy. ‘Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me,’ she told investigators.”


Dukes Cell

Like we won’t cover this story more if more details become available.