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Criminals

Here’s just a sampling of how this Felony Fantasy Hoops scoring might go down. Scoring is not finalized, but, you get the idea. From…the IndyStar, via DeadSpin

Four members of the Indiana Pacers were involved in a shooting incident this morning at a Westside strip club, Indianapolis police said.

Being on scene for a shooting incident? Stephen Jackson +1; Jamaal Tinsley +1; Marquis Daniels +1; Jimmie Hunter +1.

It’s kind of like the Pacers timed this one out to help us promote. The big points start coming out now… Read More

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Most Men would do anything to get OUT of Prison…BUT…Maurice Clarett would do anything he could to get IN…

 

Break In…Break Out…Save Your Brother’s Life.

 

Those are the words with which I carry my life. My name is Maurice Clarett. You may know me from scoring touchdowns on fools in the Fiesta, taking more cash than Reggie Bush and getting a one year suspension, running a 5.2 40 yard dash, robbing someone of their cell phone with a gun in my waist (Am I a joke? No), rolling through the streets of Ohio wearin’ my vest, strapped with the AK and my bottle. That’s where you know me. Now, now find out why I am doing what I can do, when I can. My life is not just about Maurice Clarett…or football…my life is about a higher calling. Today, by being sentenced to three and a half years I begin to take steps to free an innocent man. A man persecuted by those who live to persecute and sully the good names of my brothers. Today, I enter a Prison, to break my man out…to break out…my brother in arms…Cecil Collins.

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Despite a very disappointing outing against what could only be categorized as a superior Georgia team the South Carolina Gamecocks proved they still have some fight in them. Well, at least starting QB Blake Mitchell did. Mitchell was arrested in the early hours of the morning today after a trip to a local watering hole. Mitchell was charged with simple assault which could either mean it was a bar fight or he decided to beat the shit out of a man with Down Syndrome. Albert Pujols’ representative was unavailable for comment, but we are sure he is outraged. Read More

When Wesley Snipes wasn’t in a hitting rhythm, Bob DeNiro did him a favor by stabbing Benicio Del Toro. Thereby killing the man and getting Snipes his number back. The backup punter for Northern Colorado decided to do the damn thing himself and stab the starting punter in the leg. Probably because this is not Division I-A, where I’m sure the punter could have found some alumni donor to get things done for him.

The starting punter won’t play in the game this Saturday, unfortunately for the backup/knife wielder, he won’t either. Apparently he isn’t all too good at the concealment thing, maybe he should talk to Cris Carter? The stabber was a sophomore, apparently he is also a very impatient man.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2585781

So, I’m pretty sure Maurice Clarett caught the trailer for that Mark Wahlberg movie where he tries out for a pro football team. You know, to live his dream and all that. Imagine how bitter Clarett is going to be when Marvin Lewis tells him his efforts weren’t good enough to make the 2006 Cincinnati Bengals.

Multiple guns, Clarett donning a bullet proof vest…is it really that surprising?

'Rice just doin' his thing
A talking head on ESPN, however, revealed that earlier that day Clarett had talked a friend away from suicide. What the hell does that guy have going on his head? Did he find his Cecil Collins’ prison cell and have a heart to heart? Thinking about it though, it actually makes sense. Clarett does need money, one would assume. The way I see it, he can either deal drugs to Ohio State kids, but that involves him walking away and picture those college kids behind the closed door giggling and going “man, that was mothafucking Maurice Clarett!” OR…he can start a suicide Hotline.

1-800-CLA-SAVE

Maurice Clarett: Hello, you’ve reached 1-800-CLA-SAVE, this is Maurice himself, how are things?

Caller: I’m calling a suicide hotline, are you new at this?

MC: Bitch, please. Tell me about your suicide.
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