Remember when we used to make predictions on here?

It sure has been a wild season in the NFL, but that probably pales in comparison to the ups and downs we’ve experienced here at Joboo.  We started off by offering you Lance’s Stone Cold Locks of the Week, and despite the bravado cold was the only adjective that accurately described Lance’s ability to correctly predict NFL winners.  I would like to say that we were all a little broken up by Lance ending his tenure as pickmaster, but to be honest it saved us from having to apologize for how bad the picks were.  Then we moved on to letting the Champ in addition to his Bold Predictions starting flexing his NFL picking muscle.  Predictably, those NFL picks turned out about as well as the Detroit Tigers World Series experience. We even went as far as to let my girlfriend THROW HATCHETS in an attempt to bring you accurate NFL picks. However the regular season ended without a clear choice for who should be making picks for us.

Joboo Co-founder Doug even took a stab at making picks in the playoffs, and quickly went 0-4 bookending the shortest tenure of NFL predictions thus far on the website.  I’ve somehow managed to stay sane enough to avoid publicly making predictions, aside from my correct call in the NFC Championship game, and if I were smarter than I am I would retire 1-0. (Forgetting of course my preseason NFL predictions that may best be described as “putrid”) But really, what are the chances of THAT happening.

HOW ‘BOUT THEM SAINTS???

We all knew it was going to happen, but it still had to be seen to be believed. The New Orleans Saints walked into Soldier Field and proceeded to walk all over the helpless Chicago Bears. For a franchise that had never even made it to the Super Bowl, this coronation was long overdue. Still grappling with the after effects of Hurricane Katrina, Louisiana needed these Saints, hell, the whole country outside of Chicago needed this team. The imaginative play calling of rookie, and coach of the year, head coach Sean Payton was inspired, and matched only by the unparrelled offensive talent of Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Deuce McCallister and the bevy of talented wide recievers. Brees proved why he is the best quarterback in the league, and Reggie Bush solidified why he should have been the number one overall pick as he proved the Bears defense to be slow and unathletic. But after all, this is what the experts all predicted from the start.

WAIT A SECOND. . . .That’s not what happened at all. God dammit, I know I shouldn’t write these damn things beforehand.

I Really Didn’t Want to Have to Say This, but. . . .

I fear I have no choice at this point.  THE HELL WITH KATRINA.  There, I said it, and you know what it feels GREAT.  I have been kind of avoiding ESPN’s NFL coverage since last Sunday because I knew that the feel good story of the year would be permeating the airwaves.  I really should have continued that policy, but for whatever reason I decided to check out the ESPN’s “expert” picks.  You can take a look for yourself, but I’ll save you the trouble.  NOT ONE OF THEM, NOT A SINGLE GOD DAMN ONE, THINK THE BEARS ARE GOING TO WIN THIS SUNDAY!!!!!!!!

The HELL with Brett Favre

Ok, this really isn’t about Brett Favre so much as the Bears. Really, despite being a Bear’s fan, or maybe because I’m a Bears fan, I respect the hell out of Brett. Sure, the media coverage is a bit overdone, but you can’t blame him for that. He just goes out and competes at a very high level. He’s done it for a long time, and it’s been at such a high level that no matter his teammates and no matter his opponent he ALWAYS has a chance to win. So, basically in that statement all my fustration as a Bears’ fan should be obvious.

Really, I mean how hard can it be to play quarterback in the NFL. On second thought, it’s probably pretty hard, and really I guess I shouldn’t be too angry at Rex and Brian. A better question should probably be, “how hard is it to find a guy to play quarterback that won’t KILL your team?” I’m not even saying you should expect to find a great quarterback every time you go out looking for one. I’m sure lots of teams passed on some hillbilly from Southern Mississippi with a strong arm. A lot of times stumbling into a franchise quarterback is how it’s going to be done. Sure you can look at Peyton Manning and Carson Palmer as franchise type guys that were drafted high with good pedigrees. But last time I checked Ryan Leaf had a pretty decent college career. So why are franchise killing quarterbacks out there? I have the answer, and it’s easier than you might think.

The NY Giants have a post-season song…

We’ve seen it all season long, the NY Football Giants doing those lameass jumpshot motions after big plays. Where did they discover this lameness? From a rapper named Jim Jones. Don’t know anything about Jones? Well, Wikipedia tells me he is beefin’ with Mase, Loon, Nas and Tru-Life. Since the Giants don’t have much to celebrate, the jumpshot apparently has crossed over to the NBA. After hitting a game winning jumpshot (go figure) in triple overtime, Channing Frye did the Giants jumpshot motion. Confusing businessmen and making anyone in the know despise the jumpshot motion even more.

Since Frye brought the jumpshot to a new level of lameness, the Giants decided they needed something different heading into their must-win contest with the Redskins, where they need to win to see the Playoffs. They’re in the studio, going to release this on the NFL Network sometime before the game, but we here at Joboo managed to get you the lyrics sheet to this badboy. For reference, words in parenthesis are background.

Without further fanfare, Mike Strahan and other knuckleheads are doing the motions while Jim Jones provides the sounds…

Giants…yea…super bowl wearin’ shades.
Nah, jus’ playin’, can’t see that, you dig

We lose games, no lie, you know thisssss (HOOKSHOT!!!)
Fire co-ords, pass the blame, its like kindagarten (we left the buildin’)

Hester made us look, no lie, foooooooolish (HOOKSHOT!)
Bitch and Moan, oh my, lose focuuuuus

Can we crown them yet, Denny?

    I should probably start out by saying that while a rabid Bears fan, I for one was never talking that 16-0 noise.  Of course I’ve wondered aloud about how cool it would be to stop hearing stories about some Dolphin’s team with Bob Griese at quarterback and even hypothesized about it being possible if they could just make it out of Gillette Stadium alive.  Luckily, the Dolphins ended any of that silly discussion that was even infecting the major media.  On the flip side of that, I realize the Bears lost to the Dolphins, but suddenly they are terrible?  Come on, even great teams lose games they probably shouldn’t, so expecting merely a good Bears team to not stumble is ridiculous.  So what are we left with after their victory in the Meadowlands on Sunday night? 

I know the man liked his crack rock…

But, I like Mike Irvin the ESPN analyst. He and Steve Young are probably the two former players on ESPN, along with Jaworski, that I mind the least. This morning I tuned into ESPN and saw the guys go through the motions with their Top 5 teams in the AFC. When Mike Irvin gave his, he put the Ravens at #5 and didn’t put the Broncos anywhere. Irvin then went on about how if you get a lead on the Broncos, they’re done. That he did not think Jake Plummer was a Super Bowl quarterback.

For this assessment of the teams, Irvin got mocked by Steve Young and Tom Jackson, obviously, but also by STUART SCOTT. Deadspin also has link to video where Steve Young tells Irvin he could keep talking for five minutes but he still wouldn’t make any sense. ESPN decided to cut this part out, I have no idea why. First he gets called retarded and now this.

The best thing about it? They’re ripping Irvin because the Broncos beat the Ravens, yet Irvin ranks them ahead of the Broncos…meanwhile…Steve Young has the Chargers ranked ahead of the Ravens. The Ravens, yeah, beat the Chargers a week ago.

Cris Carter got hit in the head a lot, but what is Jason Whitlock’s excuse?

    One of the running trends here on Joboo has been calling ESPN and their “personalities” out for stupid decisions.  Well, when you are the worldwide leader in sports television and part of the evil empire that is Disney you’re going to take your lumps.  I’m not going to apologize for ripping on them, but in the interest of fairness I have to give ESPN some credit for canning Jason Whitlock’s fat ass.  I’m not even sure what the real reason ESPN offered for firing Whitlock, but he claims that it was merely because he was exercising his constitutional right of free speech.  I would like to believe he was fired for merely being a moron, or in the alternative not knowing a god damned thing about sports but judging by ESPN’s other personal decisions there had to be something else here.  Well AOL decided to give Jason a shot to reach out to the masses, and boy did he reach out.  Click the read more link to see the “highlights” of Whitlock’s first weekly column on AOL.

Hi, You may not know me, but my name is Rex

                                                               “Not only was I the best QB, but I have a full head of hair BITCHES.”

TO: Football Fans

From: Rex Grossman

Dear Football Fans,

I realize that many of you might not know me too well, so in conjunction with the absolute ass whipping the Bears and I just laid on the Seattle Seahawks I thought I would write to say hello. Now, I can’t really be mad at any of you for not being familiar with me since it has been awhile since I’ve played more than a couple of games in a season. I just want to go on the record and say that whatever people may think, I AM NOT MARK PRIOR. Nothing against the man, but I do pee standing up. Glad I cleared that up, so now click the read more link to find out what you need to know about me and the rest of Monsters of the Midway.

“CHIRP”- Where You At T.O.?

    Looks like at this point the appropriate answer is back at his home.  Unless you are kicking it in a cave going through Osama’s belongings and trying to make sense of an Arabic will, you’ve probably heard that Terrell Owens tried to kill himself last night by overdosing on pain medication.  Doug has already weighed in on the similarities between T.O. and the Cardinals, but for me the main difference is that if the Cardinals do die and don’t make the playoffs I’ll be ecstatic, but if T.O. dies my life will probably be effected in no significant manner.  But in the interest of playing both sides of the issue I’m going to offer a completely plausible explanation for T.O.’s hospital trip other than him trying to kill himself.  It’s probably not what actually happened, but if ESPN can speculate out their asses why can’t I?