The Increasingly Disappointing Locks of the Week (4-8)

Well I will make this short and sweet…

1) Kansas City over Cardinals (Kansas City giving 3)
Arizona is starting a rookie qb and they tend to always struggle, except the Rothlessadfafhe (or however you spell his name), but he had an unstoppable running game. The Cardinals have no running game. Kansas City will win big in this one. I am very confident with this pick. In fact, Kansas city covering is just as probable as Glasser wearing a red t-shirt or Champ drinking one to many at the bar.

2) San Diego over Pitt (Pitt is getting 3)
San Diego is at home, and at this point is a better team. They should have won last week and will rebound in this game.

3) Tenn over Colts (Colts are giving 18.5)
I know Tenn blows, I mean really blows, but 18.5 is a lot in any pro game.

the Champ rallies with some vodka, and bold predictions

Well, it’s Thursday again, and for those Joboo faithful out there that were getting worried the Champ was going to forget his column again, you had nothing to worry about. I was simply waiting until Professional Responsibility class. Its been a long couple of days with the Tigers and my newly found good luck charm – rally vodka. Every time they show a little bit of weakness and need that big rally, a vodka and orange slam by the Champ seems to do the trick. And, if today’s game was any indication, it has been working. Got a little dangerous when I made some Hamburger Helper on the new frying pan and forgot to take the sticker off the bottom before turning the burner on high. Made for a lot of smoke, but hey, the apartment complex didn’t go up in flames. And, I give you five more bold predictions that I guarantee will also not go up in flames.

 

The Champ is a day late, but certainly not a dollar short

Okay, so I took some heat on last week’s column with the whole high school football and Nascar thing. I was pretty much told that I am never allowed to talk about high school football or Nascar ever again on Joboo. Because of those two predictions last week, and because of the fact that my column is a day late, I am pleasuring the readers with 7 bold predictions this week instead of the traditional five.

            This week’s bold predictions deal with forecasting the MLB playoffs. Why is this bold, you might ask? Well I have two answers to that. 1) the playoff matchups haven’t even been set yet, and 2) I have the Tigers winning the World Series. Hopefully that is BOLD enough for you. Without further ado,

 

Picks with a Muthafuckin Hatchet

Yeah, you read that right. This column is going to be all about me picking games with a hatchet. For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Becca, and in the sense of full disclosure, I’m dating Ryan, one of the creators of this little blog. I figured if the Champ gets a column just for living with Doug, well then I have definitley earned a place on here. What gave me a perfect opportunity to get a spot on here is the simple fact that our friend Lance has been messing up his picks lately. Ok, he has been absolutely atrocious with his Stone Cold Locks of the Week. I mean 1-5, at that rate he’s going to have more than law school loans to pay off. So as a possible incentive for Lance to pull his head out of his ass we decided to hold a little competition to see who’s the better prognosticator. Click the read more link to learn a little more about my system and see my picks for week 3.

Stone Cold Locks of the Week (1-5)

Well this is the time it all turns around. It appears my job is in jeopardy and it is time to bring in my A game.

Editor’s Note: Click read more if you really, really want to. I mean, these locks are 1-5 in two weeks. So, uh, take these at your own peril. Also, in the interest of full disclosure, in informing me that his picks were in, Lance told me, “not confident about steelers one”, this could be an interesting week to say the least…

Stone Cold Locks of the Week (1-2)

Editor’s Note: In the following post, lance makes a LOCK OF THE YEAR and then says if it fails, the creators of this site will reimburse your losses…well, uh, fuck that. Motherfucker went 1-2 last week, there is not a chance that we are guaranteeing anything in this post to be anything close to a correct pick. Again, if you pick with Lance, you do so at your own potential peril.

Dancing With the Stars 3: What you don’t need to know

Editor’s Note: This is the third time I’m writing this damn Editor’s Note, so I’ll get straight to the point, our buddy Shawn wanted a column gig here, so we gave him the OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME…a chance…to liveblog…Dancing with the stars.

We aren’t quite sure how he knows that this is season three of Dancing with the stars, but uh, hopefully that means he did research, right?
Well, this is the preview for the “Hit” Dancing with the Stars t.v. series. This will be a comical analysis of what happends during the show, I hope the readers enjoy the column and keep coming back to see what they missed.

The Champ Said WHAT?

This is the first installment of a semi-regular feature here at Joboo. Periodically we’ll be checking in on everyone’s favorite common sense challenged forecaster, the Champ, and update everyone on how his predictions are looking. We know he tries to go out there for making these predictions, and for the interest of keeping the comedy flowing we’ll try not to be too harsh on the boy. If you’re interested in seeing how his first week of predictions are shaping up click that handy read more link.

Don’t Sleep on the Gamecocks

For the second week in a row South Carolina has a primetime SEC match-up televised on ESPN (7:45 Eastern on the mothership). This is just another sign that South Carolina is a team on the rise. This is going to be a much tougher test for than last week for the Gamecocks but don’t let the 15 points scored against Mississippi State scare anyone of the Gamecocks’ bandwagon. Don’t think for a second that Spurrier was saving a few things for this week. He is that type of sneaky bastard that would sandbag against an inferior team like Mississippi State just to surprise the Bulldogs.

STONE COLD LOCK OF THE WEEK

Every Friday I plan to post my Stone Cold Lock of the Week. Hopefully, by following my picks or choosing the exact opposite the readers can make a few bucks.

1) Chargers over Raiders (Raiders are getting 3 points)
People are high on the Raiders after an impressive preseason. However, it is merely preseason and I expect another awful year. Rivers is taking over for qb and going against one of the worse passing defenses in the league I don’t expect him to have any trouble. Plus, the Chargers always have Tomlinson.

2) Denver over St. Louis (Denver is giving 3.5)
St. Louis claims to be focusing on the run this year. I expect this strategy to go out the window as soon as they are down in the first quarter. I think Denver is just a more physical team and will like to make a statement at the beginning of the year.

3) Seattle over Detroit (Seattle is giving 6)
I hate to do it to the lions, but I expect them to lose and lose badly. Seattle may experience a brief hangover due to the superbowl loss, but the Lions have experienced a decade of consistent losing and I see no reason for this to change. Hopefully Ford will relinquish control of the football team as he did with Ford Motors and allow the fans to actually to watch a good football team.

Editor’s Note: I didn’t even have to add in that remark about going opposite of what Lance here comes up with. But, I would recommend it. We certainly don’t ask the audience to trust us often, but we go to law school with the guy. A little trust may go a long way here.