Is DMX really the dude we want Boxing George Zimmerman?

On paper, DMX is a great candidate for facing George Zimmerman in a boxing match. Call me skeptical that this is what we want to see, however.

George Zimmerman may possibly face DMX in a Celebrity Boxing Match at some point in March, according to CNN. Presumably, the most tense moment of the encounter will be when the ref does the customary boxing pat down as they enter the ring. Normally, a moment that just feels awkward, but, given Zimmerman’s history, you never know where the ref is going to find a Ruger.

Here’s the thing, I’m a bit worried about DMX.

There hasn’t been a more politically charged boxing exhibition in this country since Apollo Creed vs. Ivan Drago. Unfortunately, we know how that turned out. I don’t want to compare Zimmerman to Drago, I can’t imagine Zimmerman would be near as impressive in punching those machines the Soviets used to gauge punching power. But, let’s be honest, if you were going to bet this fight today (and of course you’re going to bet this fight), wouldn’t you lean towards taking Zimmerman?

DMX came out immediately and talked tough, but, his last public appearance before this was getting onto a bus full of drunk people and belting out “X gon’ give it to you,” for liquor. So, it’s pretty clear that DMX is in this for the paycheck. Zimmerman might be in this for an insatiable desire to beat up black people, maybe not, we don’t really know. But, at a minimum, he’s in it because he legitimately thinks that he is a tough guy, right? And, you don’t prove your toughness by punching your father-in-law in the face, unfortunately for him, so, he’s got to challenge himself.

Zimmerman has had whatever time he needs to prepare himself for this. Zimmerman does boxing training for the hell of it. He’s over a decade younger than DMX. He wants to prove himself.

Zimmerman wouldn’t lay down this challenge and step into the public spotlight without being sure of himself. I mean, look at his artwork, that didn’t hit eBay until he had ramped out a couple of Van Gogh level paintings.

Ok, terrible example.

But, really, that’s all DMX is banking on here. An inflated self-confidence on behalf of Zimmerman.

What’s the problem with that?

DMX seems to have only one move in his arsenal. His inflated self-confidence.

What was the criteria used to select DMX? How did we get through all the possible candidates

I’ve got three main flaws with DMX as the choice.

  • First, I think he’s only doing it for the paycheck. Is that really the motivation you want for someone going into a boxing match with this guy? As mentioned above, DMX’s last public appearance was getting onto a bus to sing for a bunch of white dudes, just to get some liquor. Celebritynetworth.com might be some website I just found at random and I know nothing about the veracity of said website, but, they list DMX’s net-worth at NEGATIVE ten million. For reference, MC Hammer has a listed net-worth there of 1.5million dollars.
  • Second, I feel like most of DMX’s attack arsenal is based on his prowess with assault weapons and loud ass motherfuckin’ barking dogs. I haven’t read the contract, though, these items might be legal.
  • Third, dude gets stoned a lot. I’m 100% in favor of marijuana legalization. We would be a better society if we made that simple change. But, do we want a stoned DMX getting into the ring with Zimmerman? How does that affect his ability to severely harm George Zimmerman?

DMX says he wants to break the rules. Someone apparently laid this out in detail to TMZ. And, he will use this rule breaking in order to “fuck him right up.”

Slight problem with that strategy on two fronts.

First, it creates a situation where Zimmerman may claim to reasonably fear for his life. While we want that to some degree, we, want that to be done in a controlled environment. Where Zimmerman feels he has a chance in the fight…then, suddenly, at the end of the fight he realizes that his face is jacked up and he’s signing paperwork with researchers about where to send his brain after death so it can be studied for concussion tendencies.

Subtlety is key, really. Plus, If Zimmerman reasonably fears for his life and did manage to sneak a firearm into the fight, well, I don’t see that ending well for DMX if George starts to fear for his life. In addition, let’s assume this fight will be done with thousands of rabid Zimmerman supporters in the audience. All packing heat. All in reasonable fear for Zimmerman’s life. All strongly believing in their right of the defense of others. That also does not end well for DMX.

Second, we don’t want Zimmerman to get his ass kicked and win on a technicality, do we? We don’t. Especially if we gambled on him losing. We did.

Has anyone seen fight footage of DMX?

When you type “DMX fights” into youtube, there isn’t much that will help a fight fan dissect his ability. Now, there isn’t much to go on about Zimmerman’s boxing career, except that whole couldn’t beat up a 17-year-old so he shot him, thing, but, he has been training. That has to count for something. For DMX, YouTube brings up a hit for that aforementioned “DMX fights” search. But, it’s a video of DMX “fighting” fire-flies. And, by fighting, he basically just yells, “SUPWITHTHAT?!” in their general direction.

It does not exactly give off an air of confidence in fighting ability.

He’s 43 years old. Is there really not some 30 year old MTV Real World Challenge guy that we can get to fight Zimmerman? Is there not a guy from Jersey Shore that we would be more confident in when it comes to handing a beating to Zimmerman? Was Lagarrette Blount called? Why was Stephen Jackson not selected instantly?

I get that we can’t just have Floyd Mayweather fight this guy (1, because he’s a professional, and 2 because Mayweather would string it along to 12 boring rounds without finishing the guy), but, in short, how many hours of celebrity fight footage did this promoter watch before making this decision?

All I’m saying is I want to see DMX fight a guy like Shia LeBeouf before feeling confident that he’s going to be the guy to knock Zimmerman the fuck out. Speaking of which, why not THAT guy?

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