Champ’s expert analysis on the Extravaganza

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Champ has been asked to return to provide some “expert” forecasting insight into the Ron Mexico Celebrity Dogfighting Extravaganza. I must also take this opportunity to give my namesake and credentials a quick plug. For those who don’t know me, or why I call myself “the Champ” it all started as a poker thing. My poker track record had gone rather south between the nickname creation and now, and some began to question the validity of me in fact being “the Champ”. However, I recently completed two impressive tournament runs placing 2^nd out of 85, and 13^th out of 100 a week later. So, cutting to the bottom line of this self-plug, all that I guess I can really say is that I am in fact the Champ.

The Mike Vick Celebrity Dogfighting Extravaganza Part I

Surry County officials had secured a search warrant in late May based on an informant’s information to look for as many as 30 dog carcasses buried on the property.

That property, as you all well know, belongs to Michael Vick. It means only one thing.

Welcome to the 2007 Michael Vick Celebrity Dogfighting Extravaganza

Your hosts: Gus Johnson, Michael Vick, and a rotating cast of color commentators.

Gus Johnson: WELCOME EVERYONE TO SOME TOWN NESTLED MAJESTICALLY IN THE PAINTED FORESTS OF THE GREAT STATE OF VIRGINIA. Hello everyone this is GUS JOHNSON coming to you live from a small barn type building painted JET BLACK for the occasion and Michael why don’t you tell the folks what that occasion is!

Mike Vick: Ha, well, dog, what we have today is the opening round in the first, hopefully, annual Michael Vick Celebrity Dogfighting Extravaganza. Shit, pretty damn awesome we got a guy like you here Gus, but I’m not sure about why we have Braves baseball announcer Chip Caray here…

Chip Caray: Michael, Gus, glad we are here on what is definitely a gorgeous day for dogfighting.

Mike Vick: Pouring down rain and motherfuckers with a lot of cash money, yes, I would say this shit is pristine for dogfights.

Gus Johnson: Well, let’s not waste any more time, let’s get to the first contest of the evening. In the pit first we have an all time LEGEND. You know this dog from the comic strip PEANUTS. Folks, he is Charlie Brown’s pet BEAGLE. Ladies and Gentlemen, a 10 seed from the Marcus bracket…Snoopy!

Chip Caray: And while we await the entrance of Snoopy, let’s mention those brackets and how this field will work. We have two brackets and thirty-two competitors. Seeded 1 through 16 in two brackets. The Marcus bracket and the Ron Mexico bracket.

Gus Johnson: LOOK AT THIS FOLKS! LOOK AT THE ENTRANCE OF SNOOPY, THE 10 SEED, THE UNDERDOG IN THIS OPENING CONTEST…he is coming out on top the doghouse transitioned to become a Sopwith Camel! The World War I fighter aircraft! He has on the goggles and the scarf!

Chip Caray: Interesting choice by Snoopy in this bout to come out with the WW1 fighter pilot attire. Where is his focus? Is it on winning this bout or impressing this crowd?

Mike Vick: Well, shit, if he was tryin’ to impress this crowd he would have brought a sack of weed.

Chip Caray: I stand corrected.

Report: Dukes gets 17yr old pregnant, chucks Gatorade

From The St Pete Times:
“A 17-year-old foster girl living with a relative of Elijah Dukes told police the Devil Rays outfielder got her pregnant. Detectives believe the sex was consensual and no crime was commited, but the incident has sparked a state investigation into the foster home.”

More importantly, however:

“She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy. ‘Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me,’ she told investigators.”

Like we won’t cover this story more if more details become available.

The Champ is making a guest appearance, catch him while you can.

In between those pesky law school finals and some intense school board campaigning, I have decided to duck in for a quick bold prediction.

After all, I am hot as can be after predicting the Warriors to win before the series even started (albiet on another site instead of on Joboo) Although it must be noted I called them winning in 7, and they actually did it in 6, so even the Champ underestimated those Warriors.

Got Pistons and Wings playoff games today, a Nascar Night race, some De La Hoya v. Mayweather bout that is getting hyped up way too much, and of course a horse race.

I’ll take the home teams (Wings and Pistons), Jimmie Johnson, De La Hoya, and last, but certainly not least………….

HARD SPUN (16 to 1 as of Joboo press time)

That is all, I’m out.

Go Warriors

There is no way possible at this point for one to not be desirous of the Warriors winning over the lameass Mavericks. Dirk gonna come in struttin’ with a BULLET fedora like that? A silk scarf completely unnecessary around his neck but nonetheless screaming GOD DAMN? Not even a hint of making that tie rest under the collar proper?

I think not. And this is why the Warriors move on.

Let me tell you a tale about Roger Goodell

The year was 1984…the scene is Sherill, New York. You may not know this, but Sherill is the smallest town in New York. How many pizza parlors do they have in Sherill? They have one. And it is only open Thursday – Sunday, because on the other days it is a dentistry. Such is the way things are in smalltowns during the 1980s.

Roger Goodell was working in this pizza parlor after college, smoking a lot of marijuana, finding out what he wanted to do with his life. One day in 1984, his life would change suddenly and drastically.

That was the day the dentist decided to work fridays.

There became a lot of overlap customers, lots of waiting around in the office. So, they needed to do something and Goodell, being energetic, eager to please, suggested a video game arcade machine for the waiting customers

A week later they wheeled in a game.

That game, as you may have figured out, was Pacman.

Pacman Jones Decision Flowchart

You ever sit there wondering: Man, how does Pacman Jones decide just what to do on a daily basis? Well, journalistic integrity here at Joboo and all that has led to…

clicking the image SHOULD make it bigger…and not fuzzy…or, actually, just click the link below. The PDF is a bit more clear than the JPG…

Pacman flowchart PDF