On paper, DMX is a great candidate for facing George Zimmerman in a boxing match. Call me skeptical that this is what we want to see, however.

George Zimmerman may possibly face DMX in a Celebrity Boxing Match at some point in March, according to CNN. Presumably, the most tense moment of the encounter will be when the ref does the customary boxing pat down as they enter the ring. Normally, a moment that just feels awkward, but, given Zimmerman’s history, you never know where the ref is going to find a Ruger.

Here’s the thing, I’m a bit worried about DMX.

There hasn’t been a more politically charged boxing exhibition in this country since Apollo Creed vs. Ivan Drago. Unfortunately, we know how that turned out. I don’t want to compare Zimmerman to Drago, I can’t imagine Zimmerman would be near as impressive in punching those machines the Soviets used to gauge punching power. But, let’s be honest, if you were going to bet this fight today (and of course you’re going to bet this fight), wouldn’t you lean towards taking Zimmerman?

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NBC Sports seems to be doing a solid job so far in promoting the English Premier League. You’ve likely seen the Jason Sudeikis spot as Tottenham coach Ted Lasso. In addition to that, their main philosophy in promoting the sport seems to be by saying, “Yup, it IS ok to get drunk before 11am. Do it. Seriously. Fuckin’ do it.”

That solid promotion took a snag today when they tweeted out this picture:

Image

Which was like 2 steps forward, 965 steps back. Seriously, save that graphic for hockey, because I have no idea how many points an overtime loss is worth. But, it’s kind of straight forward when it comes to soccer.

So, here now, some kind of preview of Premier League 2013-2014. Because, damn, that NBC Sports graphic is NOT cutting it. I’ll cover every team, and make some comparisons to The Wire, because, why the hell not.

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NBC Sports seems to be doing a solid job so far in promoting the English Premier League. You’ve likely seen the Jason Sudeikis spot as Tottenham coach Ted Lasso. In addition to that, their main philosophy in promoting the sport seems to be by saying, “Yup, it IS ok to get drunk before 11am. Do it. Seriously. Fuckin’ do it.”

That solid promotion took a snag today when they tweeted out this picture:

https://twitter.com/NBCSportsSoccer/status/367365046197706752/photo/1

Which was like 2 steps forward, 965 steps back. Seriously, save that graphic for hockey, because I have no idea how many points an overtime loss is worth. But, it’s kind of straight forward when it comes to soccer.

So, here now, some kind of preview of Premier League 2013-2014. Because, damn, that NBC Sports graphic is NOT cutting it. I’ll cover every team, and make some comparisons to The Wire, because, why the hell not.

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Twitter is fired up about the arrest of Aaron Hernandez in the murder of some dude who was in a rented vehicle with him at some point the same night that the guy died. Rumor is Hernandez might be arrested. Wondering what that might look like? Wonder no more, Joboo is back to break it down:

Mike Breen: Welcome everyone to Game 7 of the NBA Finals!

Jeff Van Gundy: You know, Mike, we should be in store for…

INTERRUPTED!

Mike Wilbon: Sorry to interrupt guys, but, back here in the studio, we have to take a look at a developing story in the sports world.

(pictures then show an SUV slowly moving down a highway. There are police cars following).

Mike Wilbon: The situation in New England has taken a turn for the worse. Patriots Tight End Aaron Hernandez, we’ve spoken about him all week. The police would like to speak with him regarding the death of a person who he may know. And, now, this.

Bill Simmons: Could not ask for a better night to have an NBA player lead someone on a low speed chase! When we’re running the 30 for 30 series on this night, I’m going to definitely have to check the availability of Tom Hanks, or, at least, Colin Hanks, to portray my role. I plan on being at the forefront of this, Wilbon. Along with the Doc Rivers trade to the Celtics.

Jalen Rose: You’re going to get an actor to play you in a documentary?

Bill Simmons: I don’t see why not. It worked for Scandalmakers and their coverage of the Bluth family.

Wilbon: In any event, we’re going to have to keep you posted of these developments throughout the evening. ESPNBoston is of course on top of this, but, we assume we will provide most of our information to you about this matter via people overreacting and making shit up on Twitter.

Bill Simmons: And, @Grantlandlive! Where we’ll have someone comparing the highway overpass crowd banners from this chase to the banners in ’94 as well as someone that will spend at least 750 words to explain about how he believes the chase is incredible, but, that the speed was a bit underwhelming!

Jalen Rose: As well as a writer to explain how tonight’s events remind them of certain episodes of Saved by the Bell.

Simmons: The College Years. Read More

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Champ has been asked to return to provide some “expert” forecasting insight into the Ron Mexico Celebrity Dogfighting Extravaganza. I must also take this opportunity to give my namesake and credentials a quick plug. For those who don’t know me, or why I call myself “the Champ” it all started as a poker thing. My poker track record had gone rather south between the nickname creation and now, and some began to question the validity of me in fact being “the Champ”. However, I recently completed two impressive tournament runs placing 2nd out of 85, and 13th out of 100 a week later. So, cutting to the bottom line of this self-plug, all that I guess I can really say is that I am in fact the Champ.

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Surry County officials had secured a search warrant in late May based on an informant’s information to look for as many as 30 dog carcasses buried on the property.

That property, as you all well know, belongs to Michael Vick. It means only one thing.

Welcome to the 2007 Michael Vick Celebrity Dogfighting Extravaganza

Your hosts: Gus Johnson, Michael Vick, and a rotating cast of color commentators.

Gus Johnson: WELCOME EVERYONE TO SOME TOWN NESTLED MAJESTICALLY IN THE PAINTED FORESTS OF THE GREAT STATE OF VIRGINIA. Hello everyone this is GUS JOHNSON coming to you live from a small barn type building painted JET BLACK for the occasion and Michael why don’t you tell the folks what that occasion is!

Mike Vick: Ha, well, dog, what we have today is the opening round in the first, hopefully, annual Michael Vick Celebrity Dogfighting Extravaganza. Shit, pretty damn awesome we got a guy like you here Gus, but I’m not sure about why we have Braves baseball announcer Chip Caray here…

Chip Caray: Michael, Gus, glad we are here on what is definitely a gorgeous day for dogfighting.

Mike Vick: Pouring down rain and motherfuckers with a lot of cash money, yes, I would say this shit is pristine for dogfights.

Gus Johnson: Well, let’s not waste any more time, let’s get to the first contest of the evening. In the pit first we have an all time LEGEND. You know this dog from the comic strip PEANUTS. Folks, he is Charlie Brown’s pet BEAGLE. Ladies and Gentlemen, a 10 seed from the Marcus bracket…Snoopy!

Chip Caray: And while we await the entrance of Snoopy, let’s mention those brackets and how this field will work. We have two brackets and thirty-two competitors. Seeded 1 through 16 in two brackets. The Marcus bracket and the Ron Mexico bracket.

Gus Johnson: LOOK AT THIS FOLKS! LOOK AT THE ENTRANCE OF SNOOPY, THE 10 SEED, THE UNDERDOG IN THIS OPENING CONTEST…he is coming out on top the doghouse transitioned to become a Sopwith Camel! The World War I fighter aircraft! He has on the goggles and the scarf!

Chip Caray: Interesting choice by Snoopy in this bout to come out with the WW1 fighter pilot attire. Where is his focus? Is it on winning this bout or impressing this crowd?

Mike Vick: Well, shit, if he was tryin’ to impress this crowd he would have brought a sack of weed.

Chip Caray: I stand corrected.

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From The St Pete Times:
“A 17-year-old foster girl living with a relative of Elijah Dukes told police the Devil Rays outfielder got her pregnant. Detectives believe the sex was consensual and no crime was commited, but the incident has sparked a state investigation into the foster home.”

More importantly, however:

“She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy. ‘Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me,’ she told investigators.”


Dukes Cell

Like we won’t cover this story more if more details become available.

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